Meaninglessness

It's been more than a year since we quit our job to do our dreams together. We were quite sure of what we're called to do. Or so we thought. 

In the midst of anxiety to somehow still earn money, we have worked on some things. We drew comics for Patreon, we made stories, we did few animations, we tried to sell things on instagram, we tried freelance, and not one of them, NOT ONE, has made through as we expected. People say it's our ego (or idealism). Is it not preposterous ? GOD gives us great capabilities and we are told to dumb our talent down in order to get some money. There might be some pride in rejecting it, i dont know. But, Is not life more than just making money? We're torn between doing GOD's calling and earning small money. By then, we feel we dont belong anywhere anymore.. 

But then, has God really called us to do this ? In our battle of unbelief whether GOD really calls us and whether He will provide along with the 'reality facts' demands, we go downward spiral into the bitter circle of deep anxiety - fleeting comfort. All the graces we have seem to depart from us. Whatever promises, whatever encouragement, whatever words which seem to be good seed for us spoken from the pulpit withered. We dont feel mercy, we feel betrayed. In our pursuit of this calling, we left everything, but it doesnt get us anywhere. The pressure of status quo choked us, we have no money, no job, dream shattered, no community, we avoid people coz we're too afraid to be asked on our circumstances, we have nothing but failures in our records. At one point we stopped. We stopped reading the bible, we stopped praying, we stopped hoping. Our skill and passion seem to have burnt out, we're petrified to take a step, afraid how God might betray us, many times we cry and we feel hopeless. At another point we're aimless and questioned the purpose of our lives. 

If life is about worrying about making money, being successful, getting married, why the gift ? Why the talents? Why do we feel abandoned? Why did we meet ? Are we really called to do this ? Will You not betray us ? #depression #depressedartist#depressionillustration #thewhyquestion